Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end
I have been in my first semi serious relationship, it has only been three months. But the relationship seems like we have more bad times than good. There were times when he tried to push me away by simply trying to disappear. I felt that was wrong. But since the beginning I have felt like I was mainly sticking in this relationship because I don't know who else is going to meet me and think that I am such a catch. The man that I am dating is going through very hard times and that's not the reason that I am breaking up with or why were just mutually falling apart. I feel that when I am around him I can't really be myself, I am a more contained quieter version of myself and the thing is we have been dating for three months so you think I would have had time to get a little closer and feel like myself. But I just have never had the chance or felt a connection on a level of friendship and love. I am not going to lie in a way, I did fall for him. The only thing is I don't know if I fell for him or I fell for the things that he would say to me. Now I'm in this relationship and I feel that I am going to break his heart and he is such a good person, I feel that he does not deserve this. What have I done? Why did i let myself get into this situation? I am sad that things are ending, but I am at a point that I feel that they must. He and I are total opposites and not in a good way we hardly ever agree on anything and I feel that the only reason he stayed with me was because he was afraid of hurting me and that's not a reason to stay with someone. You should feel like there is no other person in the world. But that is not the way this feels. The whole thing is tearing me up.
Why does this keep happening to me? Either I like a guy more than he likes me or he likes me more than I like him. Maybe I need to focus on me for a while and let things come in there own time. I guess I have to stop searching for a man and let the chips fall as they may. I am just so tired of being alone. I want that my brothers have, they both have found there possible soul mates and I cant seem to get a relationship to last longer than a couple months. Maybe there's something that I'm doing wrong or some point that I'm missing. I don't know maybe I should just let go of love for a while and start believing that things will happen when they are supposed to and not when I want them to. I'm just tired of waiting..
