The letter

A letter to the man I love…

It has only been two years but I feel like I have known you my whole life. I have never met someone who makes me laugh as much as you do. We literally talk about nothing and laugh hysterically.  You know my worst secrets and embarrassments and I tell you everything. You are basically my own personal diary.
You tell me everything about you and we talk through everything and have extensive conversations about the future that we want for us. I actually see you as the man who I want to marry and the spend the rest of my life with some day.
You are my first true love and one that has come more naturally than anything that I have ever experienced.
You once told me that I was like “home” to you. You are my home. I feel that when I am away from you, I am basically passing the time until I get to see you again and tell you about my day. You are the first person I want to tell when something amazing happens, and you are the arms I want to run to when something bad has happened. And when things are bad, you are there without question, and you don’t judge me on why I am sad, be it miniscule or not. You just let me cry on your shoulder. And for this I love you even more.
I am writing you this letter because, as you have probably figured out, I express things more clearly when I am writing them down. I know that with all the changes I have been going through lately, I have been a little (or a lot) self involved, and I feel like I have not been paying you the attention that you deserve. Most recently you were excited to spend an entire week with me, and I did not respond with the excitement that I should have had, especially since I want to spend all the  time with you that I can. This reaction was purely because I was putting my personal issues and my families needs above yours and mine, and our relationship. You did not deserve this, especially since you have been going through a lot as well, and we both need to find and cherish the happy and genuine time that we get together between the bad ones. I am writing this letter as more of an apology for being so selfish and for doing this a lot more recently. This is not fare to you, especially since you are more than patient with me and are always putting my needs above any other issue. My reaction and my other actions lately have been heavy on my heart and I knew that if I didn’t apologize, it was going to start to weigh me down.
I love you more than anything in this world (besides my family..lol) and I should have never made you feel that way. You deserve the world, but unfortunately I cannot afford that.. lol But what I can give you is my heart , companionship, love, friendship, and trust and any other thing that I can offer. I know times have been tough lately, but I want to make sure that you know I am here for you in whatever you need. I Love you.. I love You…. I love you =)

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Frustrated

You tell me my words are sharp and cut so easily
So I dull there sharpness
Now you say my words are too soft and don't cut deep enough
Which do you prefer

I am not a puppet meant to do however you please
I am not a servant who will kneel to you for favor

I prefer to keep my words a secret, as they have now become to large and to sharp to meet your needs
They have become to mean, to real, to true.
I do not know how to control them any more.

For now they will stay locked away, as they cannot be tamed. Best stay away, or you will be maimed..

But as I keep them chained
They start to nibble at my brain
And work there way down to my heart and some how find there way to my faith
How shall I keep them hidden and not let them defeat me
I shall make the lock large and throw away the key
For if they are let lose
no one will be left..  but me...

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