A story that is sad, for now...
Ok, So I have alot on my mind lately. So if I start off talking about one thing and move to another without a nice transition or if it reads like I'm rambling, it's probably because I am. So here we go.
Let me start off with this question how long can one excuse be used before it becomes words flying out of someone's mouth. I don't feel that I should go into specifics about who hurt or disappointed me, but I will say that he has a slight idea of how disappointed I am, but has no clue of the severity of the situation.
For most of my life I have been a very proud person, never letting anyone know how hurt I really am. But there has always been this one person who, to me, seems like he knows just the way to make me wanna break down, and make it unbearable for me to keep in the frustration. So after years of the frustration building and it overflowing inside me, I built up a wall between me and this person. always loving them but never letting them in to who I really am. Being cordial and polite and keeping conversations going, but never really opening up. Every time I would see this person, for me, it would be as if I was putting on a show, never to say anything that would make the audience uncomfortable. So for years there was always this wall, and I had swore to myself that I would never let this person get close enough again to hurt me.
But a couple of months ago, it seemed that this person was changing. I actually started to believe that he was going to keep the promise that he made to me and others. This promise that he made was going to change not only mine but others life for the better, I thought. But in one fell swoop he did it again. He gave me the same excuse that I have been hearing for most of my life. I told myself that if this person hurt me again, I would be done and completely cut him out of my life, but this would be almost impossible because of the relationship wee have. So I can not cut him out of my life, but I can be hurt and disappointed.
I have taught myself to let go of the past things that have hurt me. So I have tried to let go of this. But this pain that he has caused me is taking me longer to let go of than I thought it would. Plus the fact that he didn't just hurt me, he hurt someone very close to me as well, and we are still feeling the ramifications of his actions. I have tried my hardest to let it go and forget about it. I have tried to forgive him like I have before, but this is also taking me longer to do. I fell that he has finally broken our relationship to the point that it will not get better. I will probably forgive him in the future, but I don't think I will be able to for get this one.
I am usually a happy person and optimistic, but I feel that this situation with this person is slowly starting to take a little of that away from me. I will fight as hard as I can so that this does not occur. I will mot loose myself. I just wish that things were different. but sometimes life is gonna kick you in the but to get you prepared for something better....
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